Like eating a mountain one spoonful at a time

The things that we do can be broken down into three basic categories. Things we do because we need to, things we do because we want to, and things we do in spite of need or desire. Often, these categories are nebulous, overlapping, and changing with great frequency.

So it is with unpacking after a lengthy move, at least for me. Often, when I try to do things, reflections of past occasions when I have tried to do them burn in my brain. I try to sort things into orders so that I can move and unpack them more easily. Certain people, not naming names, just throw things into indistinct piles where it will take months to properly sort them into usable piles. And that is assuming that can ever be accomplished.

The key to getting anything done for the Human is not necessity or desire, but rationalisation. We break down our true motives into justifications that make us feel good about what we do. We lie to ourselves.

So it is with me, too. I lie to myself all of the time that I want to make the world around me a better place. The truth is, I want to make my world a better place. How I accomplish this is where the details get murky and my mind starts to wander into justification. I think to myself that if I somehow bring some form of improvement into the worlds of others, I will improve my own world.

That is one reason why stories like the X-Men films appeal to me so. They show a small group of disenfranchised folk either already having set up alternate societies for themselves, or going through the process of doing so. We have so far not seen much of the secret society that Magneto sets up, at least in film, but if Professor X were to tell me that I could come live in his abode and study until I was ready to teach, I would be there fast enough to distort time and space.

(Exactly what subject I would be teaching the young mutants is a good question. Come to think of it, what kind of mutant I would be is a good question, too. I have started to change direction in terms of how I write my most direct proxy character, Kronisk. The ability to suck up people’s emotions and use them to fuel imitations of what I observe others doing, or to put those emotions into the heads of others, sounds like quite a powerful adaptation to me.)

This afternoon, whilst moping about my new address and generally contemplating what my new situation was, I took the bold step of unpacking my computer equipment. As some will doubtless be aware, I have fled from the Windoze scene and gone iMac. There are downsides to this, sure, but the upsides more than make up for that. The relevant thing here is what setting up of my computer and its bits and pieces represents for me. It sort of represents actually settling into a new home.

But oh how painful and dispiriting it seems this time. It really does feel like I have been thrown out in space this time. No kidding. I really do not want to move again. Ever.

Just the knowledge that it is very likely I will move again, and soon, makes me beseech Fate for a crash every time I get on a bus.

Time for me to get some sleep, then.