Goodbye, mister iPhone

Two days ago whilst waiting to see the new X-Men film, I did something I had been considering for a long time. I took the option of prematurely ending the contract that kept me using an iPhone and started a new contract based on a new ‘phone.

The new ‘phone, whilst still not having the (mobile phone, not computer) network access switched over to it for reasons that the good folks at Virgin Mobile have kinda-sorta adequately explained the parts they can of, is an Android ‘phone. Yes, that is another thing that I thought I would never do. I forget precisely which model it was, but my last Android ‘phone was one I struggled like a man encased in glue with for a couple of years until months before my return to Sydney. Whilst I loved the iPhone’s application and interface, there was one problem with the iPhones that I kept getting that I could not tolerate.

Specifically, and I had the iPhone replaced under agreement by Apple in an effort to alleviate this, conversing to people on the iPhone often became impossible. Often I would get calls that go something like this:

• Me: Hello?
• Person on other end (hereafter, otherend): Hello?
• Me: Hello?
• Otherend: Hello?
• (This repeats anywhere from zero to ten times)
• Me: (frustrated already) Yes, we have done this bit. What can I do for you?
• Otherend: Hello? (Lame description of excuse or profession that they cannot hear me. Most recently that they only keep hearing echoes of their own voice, which is a good sign to stop talking and listen to the other person.)
• Me: Look, I think you are bullshitting me because I might have important things I need to discuss with you, and you want to throw up more roadblocks in front of me. Give me your number and I will call you from a line I know works.
• Otherend: (More lame professions of not being able to hear.)

And so on. I usually hang up about that time. If they were decent enough to let me see the number they were calling from, I either pick up the VOIP phone and dial back right away or do that as soon as I get home.

Oh, and when you are the other party in this conversation, please do not express amazement about how much clearer this seems when I do call you back from a line I know works properly. I fukking know. I know because you have literally sat there talking non-stop, not allowing me to get a word in at all, about how you cannot hear me. Maybe if you stopped talking for long enough, what I have started to scream in frustration will get through to you.

Oh, and Apple, why did you introduce a delay into the time I press the “speaker” button and the response? A period of more than a second between the press and the time anything is audible or the microphone even seems to work? And why does it always seem to perfectly coincide with the time it takes me to say hello? Given that the circus of perpetual hello makes me stop wanting to participate in the conversation, calling this a major accessibility issue is warranted. If a man who cannot speak normie has no confidence that your product is relaying his words accurately, your product is not of use to him.

So I did what I thought I would never do, and switched back to a Sony Xperia phone, specifically the Z2. Which is powered by the Android operating system. But not the same Android operating system that powered my previous Sony ‘phone. Oh, and before you ask, fukk off if you think I am ever going to shove a Samsung product up anyone’s arse. I do not do business with people who openly declare support of my genocide. I am done with Samsung. Permanently.

The Z2 is also quite noticeably bigger than the iPhone 5, 5S, or 5C. Bigger enough that if I am mobile and want a quick fix of a film on my ‘phone, I can notice the difference an extra 1,658,880 pixels makes. One of the first things I did, just for shits and giggles, is download programs to access torrents and download content onto the ‘phone. It works. I have my own opinions of Machete Kills (first 60 minutes awesome, last 48 minutes meh), but watching it on the Z2 is uniquely satisfying. I do not trust the file to show the same lack of visible artefacts on my 50” television as on the Z2, but were are talking a nearly 100-fold increase in screen real estate here.

(* Actually, you can notice this difference at pretty much any screen size when the conditions are right. It is just that the bigger the screen (and measuring the difference is a weird mathematical process), the better the transfer needs to be in order to be acceptable. Never mind what a person who has seen more home videos of films than most people can name will call good.)

I still dislike the Android operating system. I have lost count of the number of times I have tried to tell programs within it to move certain content such as the video described above to the storage card I bought for that purpose. All to no avail. Having said that, having actual file managers available is one thing the iPhone basically says “no dice” on. As is any real access to the file system.

Not that file system access is always such a great thing. But once I figure out how to take advantage of being able to point to the files I have downloaded and tell the ‘phone to move them to the storage card, all should be well.

Changing mobile ‘phones is never pleasant. Especially when they have a different operating system and moderately significantly different interface. But if you are having the same kind of problems as I had with the iPhone (seriously, what kind of mobile ‘phone makes it so hard to talk to people?), and you are not okay with the abuse of Human rights (which means you do not want a Samsung), then the Xperia Z2 is well worth considering.